January

In January my main goal was to de-clutter. I wanted to pick up after myself a little better so my physical space could be clear and I wanted to do things that would help me clear my mind and make me more aware of myself. If you've ever had a cluttered space you know that once it's cleared out you feel completely different. Even if you're one of those people who like the clutter you notice an obvious change in the way you feel about it all. Everything just feels more open physically and mentally. Sometimes we don't always like the way it feels to be open....it makes us vulnerable. There have been times when being open has caused so much fear in me that I couldn't even move. There have also been times when I've been open and realized that it felt better to be so and I was happier. So I decided I wanted to  work on de-cluttering this year.

As far as physical space goes.... I come from a family of pack rats, borderline hoarders. They keep everything. I used to keep everything. I still keep too much. There's a saying that goes something like "a cluttered home is a cluttered mind" and I believe it's true. I feel so much better when my room is clean. I think better. I sleep better. I feel fresher. I'm happier. But keeping clutter is a habit...so it's going to involve reworking my brain quite a bit. I do things like leave cups in random places in my room because for whatever reason I can't just walk them to the kitchen when I'm done. I never grew up having to make the bed so my bed is always unmade. I come home and kick my shoes off and never put them away so the next day I'll wear a different pair and do the same thing and the day after that a different pair and by the end of the week I have at least 4 pairs of shoes lying around.... and I'm tripping over them in the middle of the night. My desk gathers random trash all the time. When I take my earrings out instead of walking two steps over to the dresser to put them where they go I just leave them on the top of the bookshelf because it's "closer". I do my laundry and let it sit in a clothes basket or it gets thrown on the bed and moved from bed to computer chair constantly depending on what I need to sit my butt on at the time. It's all very ridiculous, undisciplined, slightly lazy.... and all probably attached to some bigger deeper thing I need to work on. The tasks I chose to work on in January for de-cluttering physically were

• make the bed every morning
• fold clothes as soon as they dry
• put my shoes away
• don't let dishes accumulate in my room
• dust
• 10 minute clean ups

The biggest change I've made in my life is making the bed. I have to do it now. I love the way my room looks when the bed is tidy. I love not having to straighten out the bed before getting into it at night. I'm not the best bed maker...I'm not all crazy about the edges and tucking things in but I do good and what I do makes a difference. It makes me happier to have a nice looking bed.

I hate the laundry. I hate folding it or hanging it...I just can't stand it. But I also hate how much space the laundry takes up in my room when it's not put away properly. I've gotten pretty good at folding the clothes. I think it comes down to being more disciplined and just making the decision to do it. Sometimes I have to fold it right there in the laundry room, the key is not bringing it to my room before it's folded. Even though I don't enjoy it....I do enjoy being able to walk around my room and sit wherever I want without having to move an armful of clothes around. Dealing with putting my shoes away just seems like such a silly little task that doesn't deserve my time, haha. It needs to be done though. Same thing with the cups that get shoved on to the book shelves. 10 minute clean ups were fun... I mean you can really get a lot done in 10 minutes. I set my alarm and started cleaning my entire desk area and was even done before the alarm went off. I was amazed because it looked like I had done at least an hour's worth of work, but I didn't. I don't know... over all having a clean room makes me happy. I don't know if it's the end result that does it or just feeling like an over all more disciplined and tidy person that does it. I think being tidy and feeling like I'm the kind of person who really does take care of herself helps in so many ways. It's a happiness boost and a confidence boost.

For the mental side of clutter I decided on

• meditate daily
• write daily
• dance party
• yoga once a week

I'm new to meditating so some days go well and other days my brain just won't be still. I like doing it though. Sitting still and just being quiet. Most days I end up feeling calm and relaxed. Happy and clear. I tend to wake up with a million things on my mind instantly. So I try to meditate before doing anything else that way I can clear all of those things out of my mind that don't need to be there. Also, meditating helps me somehow listen to my heart more than my head. Sometimes I feel like my brain is trying to sabotage me with all of it's negative thoughts. So to sit and be still and try to quiet my mind or find an affirmation of some sort to focus on usually helps to get rid of those negative thoughts. If I feel like I can't meditate I'll at least try to sit and acknowledge what's going on in my brain. I definitely notice a difference in my mood and overall level of anxiety when I don't meditate or take the time to really listen to what's going on. 

I love to write...I've been doing it since I was a kid. Constantly writing letters and keeping journals. As I got older though it became something I only ever did when I was sad and felt like I needed to talk to someone. I remember there being a time in my life when I felt bad for only ever writing when I was sad. Like writing was a friend and I was only using him or her when I needed to and not even sharing the happy moments. I stopped writing altogether for awhile because of that thought. Maybe it's silly but what can I say? I realize now that writing is a form of meditating for me and a form of getting clear. I always felt better after writing when I was younger and when I do it now it has the same effect. I think now I not only write when I'm down or stressed but also when I'm inspired. I have this urge to get these inspired thoughts down on paper and sometimes I have an extreme desire to put my thoughts out into the world so other people can read them. I don't know why I want other people to read them. I don't know what it does for me exactly. I'm still trying to figure that out. 

Dance Party! I started doing dance parties a few months before I even started the happiness project. I used to never really dance but ever since this shift happened in my life to become happier I've found myself dancing and not even realizing it. Also, in Gabrielle Bernstein's book Add More Ing to Your Life she suggests dancing in one of the chapters. The first time I ever did it, it was a forced dance but it did actually make me feel good. Somehow dancing just makes the world seem like a better place. It doesn't even matter if you're a terrible dancer....all that matters is that you're feeling it. My 3 year old niece loves to dance and she always just goes with the flow and does whatever the music makes her feel like doing. She and I have dance parties together all of the time. Sometimes my dance parties just happen randomly on their own and other days I have to tell myself "I need a dance party". Even when my niece is in a grumpy mood I'll just yell "dance party time!" and put on her favorite song. She tries hard not too smile but she eventually comes around. I love it when she comes into my room and tells me she wants to have a dance party...and it's impossible for me to say no. In the past, like a year ago, if she had come in and said something like that to me I'm sure I would have either said no or maybe later or only half heartedly went through the motions. Doing things that make me happier results in making the kids happier too. If you know me you know I'm not a mom but I am an Aunt to 7 munchkins but sometimes I feel like I am a parent. I take being an Aunt seriously and I take raising kids seriously...they may not be mine but children learn from the people around them. They aren't completely raised only by their parents. Kids hear the words "no" or "not right now" a lot and I always worry that in some cases they'll start to feel like their needs and wants aren't important. So if working on my level of happiness helps to make the lives of my nephews and nieces better then I think all of this "work" is paying off. Maybe one day when I have kids all of this becoming self aware and being happier and more positive with benefit my children.

A few other things on the list were

• eat a good breakfast: whole grain and protein
• less coffee (1 cup a day) more water and tea
• walk (at least 3 times a week)
• tackle a nagging task

I did ok with breakfast. I did amazingly well with the coffee considering the fact that  I absolutely love it and would drink it all day long if I didn't already know it could make me sick. I used to drink coffee all day long and I was fine....until I found myself in a situation where I didn't have access to it and became extremely sick. Withdrawal. That's when I knew I had a problem. That was years ago though. Even though I put it on my resolutions list I wasn't drinking that much....I was at like 2-3 cups a day. Now I'm down to 1 cup.... once a week I'll treat myself to a second cup though. :o)

I wasn't perfect with all of my tasks. I never started walking again. Before the holidays I was walking 3 miles at least 4 times a week and then I somehow got out of that habit. Walking was on the list for the physical activity part of it as well as the clearing my mind part of it. When I couldn't sit still to meditate walking sort of felt like it's own form of meditation. There were days when I was finished walking and I couldn't even tell you where my mind had been. I hadn't thought about anything at all during the walk and I always came out of it feeling amazing and uplifted. I really want to get back into it but for some reason I just can't get myself to the park these days or to turn on the treadmill. I never did yoga either.... I couldn't get myself to do it on my own. I also didn't do so well with the dusting.... but I won't get into that, haha. 

Overall I was feeling good by the end of the month. I felt successful and a bit happier even if there were some things I didn't do so well with. I think the fact that I now make the bed every day is a huge accomplishment and adds a significant amount of happiness and positive energy to my life. 

I'm excited to keep going. I've struggled a little bit this month though...I think I took on too big of a resolution to focus on so early in the project. I'm excited for March even though I'm still trying to figure out what to focus on. Well I'm off to take care of some work, but maybe I'll be back today with a dance party for you. :o)

Happy Monday!

♥