I wish I knew the exact order of how things went down. I'm sure the answer is like five notebooks ago, but I have a habit of writing stuff down and then leaving it. Never looking back. I'm not even sure where that notebook is right off hand or I would consider going through it just to get an idea. I'll do my best to pull from memory...my memory works pretty well usually. :)
In July of 2011 I quit my job. It was part time and in a book store which was inside a very outdated and slow moving mall. I didn't leave on good terms. I didn't even leave a two weeks notice....yikes, but I was angry and fed up. At first I was just taking some time to breathe before looking for a new job. Then I decided maybe I could focus on my photography a little bit more and really make it into a business. The idea of working in retail or as a barista again caused me physical pain. Of course, I knew nothing about running a business. Lucky for me a good friend of mine was moving back into town and she knew all kinds of things about running/owning a business and she was willing to help me out. I ended up being pretty busy towards the end of the year taking pictures of kids, I shot an engagement party and a wedding! My friend helped me book my first senior portrait session which would happen in the beginning of the new year, 2012. I was feeling excited and motivated and like I could really do this. It was fun to be busy and it was fun to be doing what I love for a living.
After the senior portraits, which happened in March, I didn't have anything set up really. No appointments booked...nothing. My friend who was helping me started working and found out she was pregnant so I didn't feel right asking to take up her time just to help me out. That's when I decided to start doing some major research.
I have no clue right now how I came across the blogs and sites I came across. Maybe one day I was just going through all the blogs I typically go through and found a link. Or maybe it was Pinterest. I somehow discovered a blog called Psychology for Photographers and felt like I had hit the jackpot. After reading a post or two that totally made sense to me I went all the way into the archives and back to the beginning. I read every one of her posts and took notes. Somewhere in one of her posts, I think, is when I came across Brand Camp Another business type site that totally made sense to me and spoke in a language I could understand. From there I found Served-Up-Fresh which is also full of some great photography business info. I even signed up for a free business course she offered via email. I was taking notes from all of these sites and feeling good about the direction I was headed. Through one of these sites I was led to Marie Forleo and all of her great business info. I was taking in all of this information from all of these places and trying my best to do what I could for myself. It got to the point though where I was gaining all of this knowledge but I wasn't using it. I was starting to feel discouraged because I didn't feel like I had what it took to run a business....everything I was reading sounded great. It sounded like something that a more confident and intelligent person could do....not me. A couple of months went by and I still hadn't booked any appointments....but that's because I wasn't putting to use any of the new stuff I had been learning. I started beating myself up for being so insecure and it only led to being even more insecure.
Then one day while checking out Marie's site there was a video of her interviewing Gabrielle Bernstein and they were talking about manifesting. I became completely intrigued. I checked out Gabrielle's site and next thing you know I'm buying her book Add More -ing to Your Life. From there my focus shifted from researching and learning about running a business to working on myself and being more aware, positive, happy and getting rid of my limiting beliefs. Somehow and somewhere within all of these sites I was frequenting I came across The Daily Love. TDL is full of quotes and positive energy. It's sending love out on a daily basis. I signed up for the daily email. Then completely away from the computer on a Sunday morning I came across Oprah and Super Soul Sunday. I'm pretty sure the first episode I watched was her interview with Cheryl Strayed the author of Wild. I bought the book as soon as I could and from then on out I was watching Oprah every Sunday. I was watching her interviews with inspirational people and watching reruns of her show where people talked about things like spirituality and the soul and just all of these good and inspirational things.
By the time August came around I was a different person from who I was the year before...I was a different person from who I was months before. I was feeling connected and happy and like no matter what I would be ok. I was inspired and full of love and wanting to put it out into the world. I was meditating and feeling connected to the Universe. I wasn't losing my patience as quickly as I used to. I wasn't feeling so much anger towards people who had hurt me. I was on a journey that was going to lead me to a better understanding of myself and the universe and to really believing that everything I need in order to be happy is already inside of me.
The first few months were very happy and uplifting and exciting and "easy". Then I found myself experiencing things that were making it difficult...but really it's all just something I needed to go through in order to keep growing and keep learning. It will be a never ending process. I will never get to a point and be able to just sit there for the rest of my life...and honestly I wouldn't want to if I could. I feel like once your mind is open and at a certain level and you've seen and experienced things you never believed before, there's no turning back. I don't want to go back. Even though it feels incredibly hard sometimes.
Some new and exciting things have happened for me since I've found myself on this journey. When I think about it now and how it all began I laugh a little and say it all happened by accident. Really it wasn't an accident. It was something I needed and for some reason I was led to it and for some reason I went with it. There could have been plenty of times in my past where the universe was trying to show me something but for whatever reason I wasn't open to seeing it until now. I'm not trying to get all "woo-woo" on you. I'm just telling you my story. It's been incredible...and trust me I don't really use words like incredible very often. I'm excited and I feel good about life, even on my really bad days.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm happy all the time and that everything is sparkly, because I'm not and it's not. I'm going to be as honest as I can be when I write here. Somedays I'll be happy and other days I'll be so far down I'll want to melt away into my mattress and never get up. The difference between now and a year ago is that a year ago when I wanted to disappear it would take forever to get out of a terrible mood. These days I'm aware of the mood I'm in and I try to figure out what's causing it and I acknowledge it and then I try to move on.
Anyway, this is just a rundown of how I got where I am now. Soon I'll be able to just blog about my daily thoughts! Next time I'll fill you in on the most recent addition to my journey... The Happiness Project
♥
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