Today I was having technical difficulties. All of a sudden my external hard drive wasn't working properly and I couldn't save my work to it. At first I didn't know if the problem was with the hard drive, my computer or photoshop. In the past I would have had a major freak out...complete with chest pains and everything. I would have panicked over losing images I can never get back. I would have panicked and immediately thought about how I don't have the money to buy any new equipment right now. Then I would have been stressed out about money. The whole situation would have snow balled into a scene equivalent to sirens going off and red lights flashing and me curled up into a ball on the floor. Completely worn out from frustration and anxiety.
However, today none of that happened. Even though I found myself wanting to tell a friend that I hate computers...the truth is I wasn't really feeling like I hate computers, but in the past that's where I would have gone. I would have gone to that "I freaking hate it when..." place. So I ended up saying something like "I sort of feel an extreme dislike towards computers today"....which still wasn't true. Old habits die hard.
Anyway. Today when the problem first presented itself to me I just casually hit ok and tried again. I tried like three times. Then I typed the error message I was receiving into my search bar to see what I could find. I don't know what it is about forums and what not that look like a foreign language to me but they do... and they just look uninviting. I read a few things... some of the "help" had negative vibes to it...but I read it anyway. No one really had an answer to the problem they just tried to find something to blame it on. So I stopped reading because it wasn't helpful. Some people were blaming photoshop other people were blaming the mac's operating system. That's when I decided to do some of my own trial and error type things and realized that the problem was actually with the hard drive itself. So then I researched the hard drive I bought. I wasn't coming up with anything and that's when I posted my problem to good ol' facebook. One person responded with some information that I found to be helpful and caused me to learn a thing or two.
So far the issue has been solved, thanks to the help of my friend. I also would like to give some credit to my new attitude. Who knows where I'd be right now if I was still the same person I was last year. The kind of person who would panic first and breathe three days later, the kind of person that would look for something to blame and be mad at, the kind of person who couldn't just be in the experience. I did have a moment or two when I thought about how I really needed to get this editing done. I thought about how I had put it off for too long and today I finally sit down and try to push through it and I end up with technical problems. Go figure. I felt slightly bitter about the whole thing. That moment was brief though and I gave myself a pat on the back for not going down the rabbit hole. I've made some progress in this thing called life!
Honestly I kind of think what happened today was a good thing. Trying to solve this problem gave me something to really work on and it got my brain moving, it was challenging. Now that it's all taken care of I feel kind of rejuvenated and like I can totally get back to editing without any problems. Stimulation. It's exactly what I needed...because even though I love photography sometimes editing can be so incredibly mundane. I was working in slow motion. Now I think I can have the job done before the end of the night.
So today I'm going to be thankful for my friend and his help. I'm also going to thank the Universe for helping me out. For making it clear that sometimes when I feel like I'm in a slump I just need to find something a little more stimulating and challenging to do. For helping me when I had no clue how to help myself. And that, my friends is something to be happy about.
♥
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Digging Deep
I'm currently reading Brene Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection. I really only just started it today. In the introduction of the book she talks about digging deep. You know...those moments when you have stuff to get done but you're just too tired or overwhelmed to do it but you find a way to dig deep and make it happen.
It's funny that I read this part of the book today. It's funny that the example she gave was spot on to what I was going through today. She talks about how she used to dig deep, push hard and suck it up. But since she was interested in living her life whole heartedly she wanted to find another approach to digging deep. In her research she found that people who live wholeheartedly dig deep by doing something restorative rather than forcing themselves to push through the task at hand.
The example she gave was that one day she was sitting at her computer and instead of working she was playing around on the internet. I'm sure we all do it...it's like a constant loop of facebook, pinterest, email, blogs and repeat. For her it wasn't relaxing or productive. So she decided to try the new way of digging deep and told herself she needed to do something that was deliberately relaxing. She needed to find something inspiring to do rather than something that sucked the life out of her. Once she made that decision she needed to get up and do it. She turned off her computer and reminded herself to be self compassionate and then watched a movie. She said it was exactly what she needed.
Today I was sitting at my desk avoiding the fact that I have some pictures that need to be edited before the end of the week. I was sitting there drinking my coffee, checking Facebook, staring out my window, day dreaming, reading blogs, listening to the same song over and over again, checking emails...etc. etc. Nothing productive. And none of it was exceptionally inspiring either. It was literally a waste of time and I was feeling more and more sluggish as the time went by. I eventually decided to just get up from my desk and do some reading. It made me feel anxious because I always tend to choose doing something else over sucking it up and doing what I need to do when I'm having a day like this. In my mind, that sounds terrible. You probably wonder how I ever get anything done.
I started reading but was having trouble focusing because really all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and either sleep or day dream about something wonderful. I kept reading though and I got to this part about digging deep. I began to wonder. You would think that I might be happy to know that I've doing well all these years...unknowingly living a wholehearted life maybe? Or is what I do just plain laziness and the result of having very little discipline?
I don't know. I don't really feel good about normally choosing to do something I want to do over work. Even though in general what I choose to do is something that can be considered restorative for me. I think of course now I'll be more mindful of when it's happening. I'll try to really make sure I'm doing something relaxing rather than mindlessly choosing something to do. I worry about how I usually end up feeling bad about myself when I choose not to work. Is this something that I should accept about myself and be happy about as long as I do it in a way where I'm more self aware?
How do you dig deep? Do you push through or do you do something similar to what Brene Brown talks about? And with whichever approach you take, how does it make you feel afterwards?
♥
It's funny that I read this part of the book today. It's funny that the example she gave was spot on to what I was going through today. She talks about how she used to dig deep, push hard and suck it up. But since she was interested in living her life whole heartedly she wanted to find another approach to digging deep. In her research she found that people who live wholeheartedly dig deep by doing something restorative rather than forcing themselves to push through the task at hand.
The example she gave was that one day she was sitting at her computer and instead of working she was playing around on the internet. I'm sure we all do it...it's like a constant loop of facebook, pinterest, email, blogs and repeat. For her it wasn't relaxing or productive. So she decided to try the new way of digging deep and told herself she needed to do something that was deliberately relaxing. She needed to find something inspiring to do rather than something that sucked the life out of her. Once she made that decision she needed to get up and do it. She turned off her computer and reminded herself to be self compassionate and then watched a movie. She said it was exactly what she needed.
Today I was sitting at my desk avoiding the fact that I have some pictures that need to be edited before the end of the week. I was sitting there drinking my coffee, checking Facebook, staring out my window, day dreaming, reading blogs, listening to the same song over and over again, checking emails...etc. etc. Nothing productive. And none of it was exceptionally inspiring either. It was literally a waste of time and I was feeling more and more sluggish as the time went by. I eventually decided to just get up from my desk and do some reading. It made me feel anxious because I always tend to choose doing something else over sucking it up and doing what I need to do when I'm having a day like this. In my mind, that sounds terrible. You probably wonder how I ever get anything done.
I started reading but was having trouble focusing because really all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and either sleep or day dream about something wonderful. I kept reading though and I got to this part about digging deep. I began to wonder. You would think that I might be happy to know that I've doing well all these years...unknowingly living a wholehearted life maybe? Or is what I do just plain laziness and the result of having very little discipline?
I don't know. I don't really feel good about normally choosing to do something I want to do over work. Even though in general what I choose to do is something that can be considered restorative for me. I think of course now I'll be more mindful of when it's happening. I'll try to really make sure I'm doing something relaxing rather than mindlessly choosing something to do. I worry about how I usually end up feeling bad about myself when I choose not to work. Is this something that I should accept about myself and be happy about as long as I do it in a way where I'm more self aware?
How do you dig deep? Do you push through or do you do something similar to what Brene Brown talks about? And with whichever approach you take, how does it make you feel afterwards?
♥
January
In January my main goal was to de-clutter. I wanted to pick up after myself a little better so my physical space could be clear and I wanted to do things that would help me clear my mind and make me more aware of myself. If you've ever had a cluttered space you know that once it's cleared out you feel completely different. Even if you're one of those people who like the clutter you notice an obvious change in the way you feel about it all. Everything just feels more open physically and mentally. Sometimes we don't always like the way it feels to be open....it makes us vulnerable. There have been times when being open has caused so much fear in me that I couldn't even move. There have also been times when I've been open and realized that it felt better to be so and I was happier. So I decided I wanted to work on de-cluttering this year.
As far as physical space goes.... I come from a family of pack rats, borderline hoarders. They keep everything. I used to keep everything. I still keep too much. There's a saying that goes something like "a cluttered home is a cluttered mind" and I believe it's true. I feel so much better when my room is clean. I think better. I sleep better. I feel fresher. I'm happier. But keeping clutter is a habit...so it's going to involve reworking my brain quite a bit. I do things like leave cups in random places in my room because for whatever reason I can't just walk them to the kitchen when I'm done. I never grew up having to make the bed so my bed is always unmade. I come home and kick my shoes off and never put them away so the next day I'll wear a different pair and do the same thing and the day after that a different pair and by the end of the week I have at least 4 pairs of shoes lying around.... and I'm tripping over them in the middle of the night. My desk gathers random trash all the time. When I take my earrings out instead of walking two steps over to the dresser to put them where they go I just leave them on the top of the bookshelf because it's "closer". I do my laundry and let it sit in a clothes basket or it gets thrown on the bed and moved from bed to computer chair constantly depending on what I need to sit my butt on at the time. It's all very ridiculous, undisciplined, slightly lazy.... and all probably attached to some bigger deeper thing I need to work on. The tasks I chose to work on in January for de-cluttering physically were
A few other things on the list were
As far as physical space goes.... I come from a family of pack rats, borderline hoarders. They keep everything. I used to keep everything. I still keep too much. There's a saying that goes something like "a cluttered home is a cluttered mind" and I believe it's true. I feel so much better when my room is clean. I think better. I sleep better. I feel fresher. I'm happier. But keeping clutter is a habit...so it's going to involve reworking my brain quite a bit. I do things like leave cups in random places in my room because for whatever reason I can't just walk them to the kitchen when I'm done. I never grew up having to make the bed so my bed is always unmade. I come home and kick my shoes off and never put them away so the next day I'll wear a different pair and do the same thing and the day after that a different pair and by the end of the week I have at least 4 pairs of shoes lying around.... and I'm tripping over them in the middle of the night. My desk gathers random trash all the time. When I take my earrings out instead of walking two steps over to the dresser to put them where they go I just leave them on the top of the bookshelf because it's "closer". I do my laundry and let it sit in a clothes basket or it gets thrown on the bed and moved from bed to computer chair constantly depending on what I need to sit my butt on at the time. It's all very ridiculous, undisciplined, slightly lazy.... and all probably attached to some bigger deeper thing I need to work on. The tasks I chose to work on in January for de-cluttering physically were
- make the bed every morning
- fold clothes as soon as they dry
- put my shoes away
- don't let dishes accumulate in my room
- dust
- 10 minute clean ups
The biggest change I've made in my life is making the bed. I have to do it now. I love the way my room looks when the bed is tidy. I love not having to straighten out the bed before getting into it at night. I'm not the best bed maker...I'm not all crazy about the edges and tucking things in but I do good and what I do makes a difference. It makes me happier to have a nice looking bed.
I hate the laundry. I hate folding it or hanging it...I just can't stand it. But I also hate how much space the laundry takes up in my room when it's not put away properly. I've gotten pretty good at folding the clothes. I think it comes down to being more disciplined and just making the decision to do it. Sometimes I have to fold it right there in the laundry room, the key is not bringing it to my room before it's folded. Even though I don't enjoy it....I do enjoy being able to walk around my room and sit wherever I want without having to move an armful of clothes around. Dealing with putting my shoes away just seems like such a silly little task that doesn't deserve my time, haha. It needs to be done though. Same thing with the cups that get shoved on to the book shelves. 10 minute clean ups were fun... I mean you can really get a lot done in 10 minutes. I set my alarm and started cleaning my entire desk area and was even done before the alarm went off. I was amazed because it looked like I had done at least an hour's worth of work, but I didn't. I don't know... over all having a clean room makes me happy. I don't know if it's the end result that does it or just feeling like an over all more disciplined and tidy person that does it. I think being tidy and feeling like I'm the kind of person who really does take care of herself helps in so many ways. It's a happiness boost and a confidence boost.
For the mental side of clutter I decided on
I hate the laundry. I hate folding it or hanging it...I just can't stand it. But I also hate how much space the laundry takes up in my room when it's not put away properly. I've gotten pretty good at folding the clothes. I think it comes down to being more disciplined and just making the decision to do it. Sometimes I have to fold it right there in the laundry room, the key is not bringing it to my room before it's folded. Even though I don't enjoy it....I do enjoy being able to walk around my room and sit wherever I want without having to move an armful of clothes around. Dealing with putting my shoes away just seems like such a silly little task that doesn't deserve my time, haha. It needs to be done though. Same thing with the cups that get shoved on to the book shelves. 10 minute clean ups were fun... I mean you can really get a lot done in 10 minutes. I set my alarm and started cleaning my entire desk area and was even done before the alarm went off. I was amazed because it looked like I had done at least an hour's worth of work, but I didn't. I don't know... over all having a clean room makes me happy. I don't know if it's the end result that does it or just feeling like an over all more disciplined and tidy person that does it. I think being tidy and feeling like I'm the kind of person who really does take care of herself helps in so many ways. It's a happiness boost and a confidence boost.
For the mental side of clutter I decided on
- meditate daily
- write daily
- dance party
- yoga once a week
I'm new to meditating so some days go well and other days my brain just won't be still. I like doing it though. Sitting still and just being quiet. Most days I end up feeling calm and relaxed. Happy and clear. I tend to wake up with a million things on my mind instantly. So I try to meditate before doing anything else that way I can clear all of those things out of my mind that don't need to be there. Also, meditating helps me somehow listen to my heart more than my head. Sometimes I feel like my brain is trying to sabotage me with all of it's negative thoughts. So to sit and be still and try to quiet my mind or find an affirmation of some sort to focus on usually helps to get rid of those negative thoughts. If I feel like I can't meditate I'll at least try to sit and acknowledge what's going on in my brain. I definitely notice a difference in my mood and overall level of anxiety when I don't meditate or take the time to really listen to what's going on.
I love to write...I've been doing it since I was a kid. Constantly writing letters and keeping journals. As I got older though it became something I only ever did when I was sad and felt like I needed to talk to someone. I remember there being a time in my life when I felt bad for only ever writing when I was sad. Like writing was a friend and I was only using him or her when I needed to and not even sharing the happy moments. I stopped writing altogether for awhile because of that thought. Maybe it's silly but what can I say? I realize now that writing is a form of meditating for me and a form of getting clear. I always felt better after writing when I was younger and when I do it now it has the same effect. I think now I not only write when I'm down or stressed but also when I'm inspired. I have this urge to get these inspired thoughts down on paper and sometimes I have an extreme desire to put my thoughts out into the world so other people can read them. I don't know why I want other people to read them. I don't know what it does for me exactly. I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dance Party! I started doing dance parties a few months before I even started the happiness project. I used to never really dance but ever since this shift happened in my life to become happier I've found myself dancing and not even realizing it. Also, in Gabrielle Bernstein's book Add More Ing to Your Life she suggests dancing in one of the chapters. The first time I ever did it, it was a forced dance but it did actually make me feel good. Somehow dancing just makes the world seem like a better place. It doesn't even matter if you're a terrible dancer....all that matters is that you're feeling it. My 3 year old niece loves to dance and she always just goes with the flow and does whatever the music makes her feel like doing. She and I have dance parties together all of the time. Sometimes my dance parties just happen randomly on their own and other days I have to tell myself "I need a dance party". Even when my niece is in a grumpy mood I'll just yell "dance party time!" and put on her favorite song. She tries hard not too smile but she eventually comes around. I love it when she comes into my room and tells me she wants to have a dance party...and it's impossible for me to say no. In the past, like a year ago, if she had come in and said something like that to me I'm sure I would have either said no or maybe later or only half heartedly went through the motions. Doing things that make me happier results in making the kids happier too. If you know me you know I'm not a mom but I am an Aunt to 7 munchkins but sometimes I feel like I am a parent. I take being an Aunt seriously and I take raising kids seriously...they may not be mine but children learn from the people around them. They aren't completely raised only by their parents. Kids hear the words "no" or "not right now" a lot and I always worry that in some cases they'll start to feel like their needs and wants aren't important. So if working on my level of happiness helps to make the lives of my nephews and nieces better then I think all of this "work" is paying off. Maybe one day when I have kids all of this becoming self aware and being happier and more positive with benefit my children.
A few other things on the list were
- eat a good breakfast: whole grain and protein
- less coffee (1 cup a day) more water and tea
- walk (at least 3 times a week)
- tackle a nagging task
I did ok with breakfast. I did amazingly well with the coffee considering the fact that I absolutely love it and would drink it all day long if I didn't already know it could make me sick. I used to drink coffee all day long and I was fine....until I found myself in a situation where I didn't have access to it and became extremely sick. Withdrawal. That's when I knew I had a problem. That was years ago though. Even though I put it on my resolutions list I wasn't drinking that much....I was at like 2-3 cups a day. Now I'm down to 1 cup.... once a week I'll treat myself to a second cup though. :o)
I wasn't perfect with all of my tasks. I never started walking again. Before the holidays I was walking 3 miles at least 4 times a week and then I somehow got out of that habit. Walking was on the list for the physical activity part of it as well as the clearing my mind part of it. When I couldn't sit still to meditate walking sort of felt like it's own form of meditation. There were days when I was finished walking and I couldn't even tell you where my mind had been. I hadn't thought about anything at all during the walk and I always came out of it feeling amazing and uplifted. I really want to get back into it but for some reason I just can't get myself to the park these days or to turn on the treadmill. I never did yoga either.... I couldn't get myself to do it on my own. I also didn't do so well with the dusting.... but I won't get into that, haha.
Overall I was feeling good by the end of the month. I felt successful and a bit happier even if there were some things I didn't do so well with. I think the fact that I now make the bed every day is a huge accomplishment and adds a significant amount of happiness and positive energy to my life.
I'm excited to keep going. I've struggled a little bit this month though...I think I took on too big of a resolution to focus on so early in the project. I'm excited for March even though I'm still trying to figure out what to focus on. Well I'm off to take care of some work, but maybe I'll be back today with a dance party for you. :o)
Happy Monday!
♥
Sunday, February 24, 2013
The Happiness Project
Happy Sunday!
I'll TRY to keep this post a little shorter than the last two. A few months ago I was chatting it up with my BFF Chelsea. We live in different states so we were literally chatting. Sometimes living in a different place from a best friend is hard....I should know. When I was 7 I had to leave my best friend at the time behind as my family made the move from New York to Louisiana. We wrote to each other consistently for years and we're still in touch. But it's hard. So even though Chelsea is my bestie we aren't always in contact with each other which means we don't always know what's going on with each other. So a few months ago when we were chatting and made the discovery that we were both on a similar journey I was so incredibly excited and amazed. And convinced even more than I was before that we are indeed soul sisters...for life.
We started chatting more regularly. I was doing happy dances in my head over it because I had already intended on putting more effort into our friendship anyway, and it just seemed like everything was lining up on it's own. We were both glad to finally have someone to talk with openly about the journey we were on and the things we were experiencing. I don't remember all of the details. All I know is that one day Chelsea mentioned something about a happiness group and the happiness project. I bought the book immediately. She tried to see if she knew anyone else who would be interested in starting a happiness group. We weren't sure if anyone would go for it and we both would have been completely happy even if we were the only two people in the group.
A few people showed an interest and next thing you know we now have a lovely group of 5. So now I've got a happiness project going on. You can get an idea of how it works by visiting Gretchen Rubin's site here. The project involves making resolutions but I feel like in a more realistic way. Each month kind of has an overall theme with smaller resolutions within it. It's like breaking it down.
For example in January my overall resolution was to de-clutter. De-clutter emotionally, physically and mentally. Here are the things I decided to do and keep track of during the month.
I'll TRY to keep this post a little shorter than the last two. A few months ago I was chatting it up with my BFF Chelsea. We live in different states so we were literally chatting. Sometimes living in a different place from a best friend is hard....I should know. When I was 7 I had to leave my best friend at the time behind as my family made the move from New York to Louisiana. We wrote to each other consistently for years and we're still in touch. But it's hard. So even though Chelsea is my bestie we aren't always in contact with each other which means we don't always know what's going on with each other. So a few months ago when we were chatting and made the discovery that we were both on a similar journey I was so incredibly excited and amazed. And convinced even more than I was before that we are indeed soul sisters...for life.
We started chatting more regularly. I was doing happy dances in my head over it because I had already intended on putting more effort into our friendship anyway, and it just seemed like everything was lining up on it's own. We were both glad to finally have someone to talk with openly about the journey we were on and the things we were experiencing. I don't remember all of the details. All I know is that one day Chelsea mentioned something about a happiness group and the happiness project. I bought the book immediately. She tried to see if she knew anyone else who would be interested in starting a happiness group. We weren't sure if anyone would go for it and we both would have been completely happy even if we were the only two people in the group.
A few people showed an interest and next thing you know we now have a lovely group of 5. So now I've got a happiness project going on. You can get an idea of how it works by visiting Gretchen Rubin's site here. The project involves making resolutions but I feel like in a more realistic way. Each month kind of has an overall theme with smaller resolutions within it. It's like breaking it down.
For example in January my overall resolution was to de-clutter. De-clutter emotionally, physically and mentally. Here are the things I decided to do and keep track of during the month.
- meditate daily
- write daily
- yoga once a week
- eat a good breakfast: whole grain and protein
- less coffee (only 1 cup per day) more water and tea
- walk (at least 3 times a week)
- dance party
- make the bed every morning
- fold clothes as soon as they dry
- put my shoes away
- don't let dishes accumulate in my room
- dust
- 10 minute clean ups
- tackle a nagging task
Every month you pick something new to focus on... a new overall resolution and then break it down. But you're supposed to keep up with the resolutions you've set for yourself previously as well. Like this month I was working on my February resolutions as well as January's. It seems like a lot at first but really it's not and it's so worth it even if it is. I think after awhile if it turns out something just isn't really helping you or isn't really your cup of tea then it's fine to stop that. For me most of the things on my January list were things that didn't take much time to accomplish during the day. Then after doing them for a month they turn into habits anyway. I'll give a rundown of how my January went and how this month has turned out later....I'm still in the process of figuring out what I'd like to do for March. Yikes...I can't believe it's almost March!
♥
Thursday, February 21, 2013
How it happened
I wish I knew the exact order of how things went down. I'm sure the answer is like five notebooks ago, but I have a habit of writing stuff down and then leaving it. Never looking back. I'm not even sure where that notebook is right off hand or I would consider going through it just to get an idea. I'll do my best to pull from memory...my memory works pretty well usually. :)
In July of 2011 I quit my job. It was part time and in a book store which was inside a very outdated and slow moving mall. I didn't leave on good terms. I didn't even leave a two weeks notice....yikes, but I was angry and fed up. At first I was just taking some time to breathe before looking for a new job. Then I decided maybe I could focus on my photography a little bit more and really make it into a business. The idea of working in retail or as a barista again caused me physical pain. Of course, I knew nothing about running a business. Lucky for me a good friend of mine was moving back into town and she knew all kinds of things about running/owning a business and she was willing to help me out. I ended up being pretty busy towards the end of the year taking pictures of kids, I shot an engagement party and a wedding! My friend helped me book my first senior portrait session which would happen in the beginning of the new year, 2012. I was feeling excited and motivated and like I could really do this. It was fun to be busy and it was fun to be doing what I love for a living.
After the senior portraits, which happened in March, I didn't have anything set up really. No appointments booked...nothing. My friend who was helping me started working and found out she was pregnant so I didn't feel right asking to take up her time just to help me out. That's when I decided to start doing some major research.
I have no clue right now how I came across the blogs and sites I came across. Maybe one day I was just going through all the blogs I typically go through and found a link. Or maybe it was Pinterest. I somehow discovered a blog called Psychology for Photographers and felt like I had hit the jackpot. After reading a post or two that totally made sense to me I went all the way into the archives and back to the beginning. I read every one of her posts and took notes. Somewhere in one of her posts, I think, is when I came across Brand Camp Another business type site that totally made sense to me and spoke in a language I could understand. From there I found Served-Up-Fresh which is also full of some great photography business info. I even signed up for a free business course she offered via email. I was taking notes from all of these sites and feeling good about the direction I was headed. Through one of these sites I was led to Marie Forleo and all of her great business info. I was taking in all of this information from all of these places and trying my best to do what I could for myself. It got to the point though where I was gaining all of this knowledge but I wasn't using it. I was starting to feel discouraged because I didn't feel like I had what it took to run a business....everything I was reading sounded great. It sounded like something that a more confident and intelligent person could do....not me. A couple of months went by and I still hadn't booked any appointments....but that's because I wasn't putting to use any of the new stuff I had been learning. I started beating myself up for being so insecure and it only led to being even more insecure.
Then one day while checking out Marie's site there was a video of her interviewing Gabrielle Bernstein and they were talking about manifesting. I became completely intrigued. I checked out Gabrielle's site and next thing you know I'm buying her book Add More -ing to Your Life. From there my focus shifted from researching and learning about running a business to working on myself and being more aware, positive, happy and getting rid of my limiting beliefs. Somehow and somewhere within all of these sites I was frequenting I came across The Daily Love. TDL is full of quotes and positive energy. It's sending love out on a daily basis. I signed up for the daily email. Then completely away from the computer on a Sunday morning I came across Oprah and Super Soul Sunday. I'm pretty sure the first episode I watched was her interview with Cheryl Strayed the author of Wild. I bought the book as soon as I could and from then on out I was watching Oprah every Sunday. I was watching her interviews with inspirational people and watching reruns of her show where people talked about things like spirituality and the soul and just all of these good and inspirational things.
By the time August came around I was a different person from who I was the year before...I was a different person from who I was months before. I was feeling connected and happy and like no matter what I would be ok. I was inspired and full of love and wanting to put it out into the world. I was meditating and feeling connected to the Universe. I wasn't losing my patience as quickly as I used to. I wasn't feeling so much anger towards people who had hurt me. I was on a journey that was going to lead me to a better understanding of myself and the universe and to really believing that everything I need in order to be happy is already inside of me.
The first few months were very happy and uplifting and exciting and "easy". Then I found myself experiencing things that were making it difficult...but really it's all just something I needed to go through in order to keep growing and keep learning. It will be a never ending process. I will never get to a point and be able to just sit there for the rest of my life...and honestly I wouldn't want to if I could. I feel like once your mind is open and at a certain level and you've seen and experienced things you never believed before, there's no turning back. I don't want to go back. Even though it feels incredibly hard sometimes.
Some new and exciting things have happened for me since I've found myself on this journey. When I think about it now and how it all began I laugh a little and say it all happened by accident. Really it wasn't an accident. It was something I needed and for some reason I was led to it and for some reason I went with it. There could have been plenty of times in my past where the universe was trying to show me something but for whatever reason I wasn't open to seeing it until now. I'm not trying to get all "woo-woo" on you. I'm just telling you my story. It's been incredible...and trust me I don't really use words like incredible very often. I'm excited and I feel good about life, even on my really bad days.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm happy all the time and that everything is sparkly, because I'm not and it's not. I'm going to be as honest as I can be when I write here. Somedays I'll be happy and other days I'll be so far down I'll want to melt away into my mattress and never get up. The difference between now and a year ago is that a year ago when I wanted to disappear it would take forever to get out of a terrible mood. These days I'm aware of the mood I'm in and I try to figure out what's causing it and I acknowledge it and then I try to move on.
Anyway, this is just a rundown of how I got where I am now. Soon I'll be able to just blog about my daily thoughts! Next time I'll fill you in on the most recent addition to my journey... The Happiness Project
♥
In July of 2011 I quit my job. It was part time and in a book store which was inside a very outdated and slow moving mall. I didn't leave on good terms. I didn't even leave a two weeks notice....yikes, but I was angry and fed up. At first I was just taking some time to breathe before looking for a new job. Then I decided maybe I could focus on my photography a little bit more and really make it into a business. The idea of working in retail or as a barista again caused me physical pain. Of course, I knew nothing about running a business. Lucky for me a good friend of mine was moving back into town and she knew all kinds of things about running/owning a business and she was willing to help me out. I ended up being pretty busy towards the end of the year taking pictures of kids, I shot an engagement party and a wedding! My friend helped me book my first senior portrait session which would happen in the beginning of the new year, 2012. I was feeling excited and motivated and like I could really do this. It was fun to be busy and it was fun to be doing what I love for a living.
After the senior portraits, which happened in March, I didn't have anything set up really. No appointments booked...nothing. My friend who was helping me started working and found out she was pregnant so I didn't feel right asking to take up her time just to help me out. That's when I decided to start doing some major research.
I have no clue right now how I came across the blogs and sites I came across. Maybe one day I was just going through all the blogs I typically go through and found a link. Or maybe it was Pinterest. I somehow discovered a blog called Psychology for Photographers and felt like I had hit the jackpot. After reading a post or two that totally made sense to me I went all the way into the archives and back to the beginning. I read every one of her posts and took notes. Somewhere in one of her posts, I think, is when I came across Brand Camp Another business type site that totally made sense to me and spoke in a language I could understand. From there I found Served-Up-Fresh which is also full of some great photography business info. I even signed up for a free business course she offered via email. I was taking notes from all of these sites and feeling good about the direction I was headed. Through one of these sites I was led to Marie Forleo and all of her great business info. I was taking in all of this information from all of these places and trying my best to do what I could for myself. It got to the point though where I was gaining all of this knowledge but I wasn't using it. I was starting to feel discouraged because I didn't feel like I had what it took to run a business....everything I was reading sounded great. It sounded like something that a more confident and intelligent person could do....not me. A couple of months went by and I still hadn't booked any appointments....but that's because I wasn't putting to use any of the new stuff I had been learning. I started beating myself up for being so insecure and it only led to being even more insecure.
Then one day while checking out Marie's site there was a video of her interviewing Gabrielle Bernstein and they were talking about manifesting. I became completely intrigued. I checked out Gabrielle's site and next thing you know I'm buying her book Add More -ing to Your Life. From there my focus shifted from researching and learning about running a business to working on myself and being more aware, positive, happy and getting rid of my limiting beliefs. Somehow and somewhere within all of these sites I was frequenting I came across The Daily Love. TDL is full of quotes and positive energy. It's sending love out on a daily basis. I signed up for the daily email. Then completely away from the computer on a Sunday morning I came across Oprah and Super Soul Sunday. I'm pretty sure the first episode I watched was her interview with Cheryl Strayed the author of Wild. I bought the book as soon as I could and from then on out I was watching Oprah every Sunday. I was watching her interviews with inspirational people and watching reruns of her show where people talked about things like spirituality and the soul and just all of these good and inspirational things.
By the time August came around I was a different person from who I was the year before...I was a different person from who I was months before. I was feeling connected and happy and like no matter what I would be ok. I was inspired and full of love and wanting to put it out into the world. I was meditating and feeling connected to the Universe. I wasn't losing my patience as quickly as I used to. I wasn't feeling so much anger towards people who had hurt me. I was on a journey that was going to lead me to a better understanding of myself and the universe and to really believing that everything I need in order to be happy is already inside of me.
The first few months were very happy and uplifting and exciting and "easy". Then I found myself experiencing things that were making it difficult...but really it's all just something I needed to go through in order to keep growing and keep learning. It will be a never ending process. I will never get to a point and be able to just sit there for the rest of my life...and honestly I wouldn't want to if I could. I feel like once your mind is open and at a certain level and you've seen and experienced things you never believed before, there's no turning back. I don't want to go back. Even though it feels incredibly hard sometimes.
Some new and exciting things have happened for me since I've found myself on this journey. When I think about it now and how it all began I laugh a little and say it all happened by accident. Really it wasn't an accident. It was something I needed and for some reason I was led to it and for some reason I went with it. There could have been plenty of times in my past where the universe was trying to show me something but for whatever reason I wasn't open to seeing it until now. I'm not trying to get all "woo-woo" on you. I'm just telling you my story. It's been incredible...and trust me I don't really use words like incredible very often. I'm excited and I feel good about life, even on my really bad days.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm happy all the time and that everything is sparkly, because I'm not and it's not. I'm going to be as honest as I can be when I write here. Somedays I'll be happy and other days I'll be so far down I'll want to melt away into my mattress and never get up. The difference between now and a year ago is that a year ago when I wanted to disappear it would take forever to get out of a terrible mood. These days I'm aware of the mood I'm in and I try to figure out what's causing it and I acknowledge it and then I try to move on.
Anyway, this is just a rundown of how I got where I am now. Soon I'll be able to just blog about my daily thoughts! Next time I'll fill you in on the most recent addition to my journey... The Happiness Project
♥
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Hello
Hey there friends! I think I've finally made a decision on where this blog is going to go...at least for now. I've changed it's path several times since I've started it and making another change is just a tad scary... mostly because it involves committing to one idea and sticking with it. Maybe I have commitment issues...haha.
So here it goes. I wish I could dedicate myself and my blog to being more fit and healthy but I can't at least not at this time in my life. Being healthy is important to me but I don't think writing about it is my thing. The other idea that came to mind was a blog about baking because I love to bake. However, baking sometimes feels like too much of a task and it can be physically exhausting. Baking is a passion of mine and I sometimes use it as a way to zone out and center myself. Unfortunately, I share a kitchen with several other people and cleaning the kitchen is just a constant never ending chore that I can't deal with.That and I tend to really do all my baking in the last few months of the year. It would actually be a good project, one day, to try out a new recipe on a weekly basis. Right now, it's not for me. I could have also dedicated this blog to photography but it just feels redundant. I'm posting my pictures regularly on facebook and instagram already. I could also just randomly write about whatever I wanted...which is what I was doing but I didn't like how it lacked focus. It lacked focus and I wasn't always as personal and real as I wanted to be. I'm not saying I won't post some randomness from time to time but I have a better idea of where I want to go with this blog now.
I think it's now going to be a place for me to write about this new journey I'm on. A journey that will hopefully lead me to a happier more positive life. I'll post the full story next time, but just know it all happened on "accident" last spring. I'm sure, though, that it was no accident. The word happenstance comes to mind....but I'm not sure if that's even accurate. So, I want to blog about what's going on in my heart and mind just like before but this time it will have a point. I hope you'll enjoy the thoughts I put out here into the world and maybe even gain something from it all.
I've missed blogging. Writing it all down in my journal sometimes just doesn't cut it for me. I'll be back soon with some more details and I hope you'll stick around!
♥
So here it goes. I wish I could dedicate myself and my blog to being more fit and healthy but I can't at least not at this time in my life. Being healthy is important to me but I don't think writing about it is my thing. The other idea that came to mind was a blog about baking because I love to bake. However, baking sometimes feels like too much of a task and it can be physically exhausting. Baking is a passion of mine and I sometimes use it as a way to zone out and center myself. Unfortunately, I share a kitchen with several other people and cleaning the kitchen is just a constant never ending chore that I can't deal with.That and I tend to really do all my baking in the last few months of the year. It would actually be a good project, one day, to try out a new recipe on a weekly basis. Right now, it's not for me. I could have also dedicated this blog to photography but it just feels redundant. I'm posting my pictures regularly on facebook and instagram already. I could also just randomly write about whatever I wanted...which is what I was doing but I didn't like how it lacked focus. It lacked focus and I wasn't always as personal and real as I wanted to be. I'm not saying I won't post some randomness from time to time but I have a better idea of where I want to go with this blog now.
I think it's now going to be a place for me to write about this new journey I'm on. A journey that will hopefully lead me to a happier more positive life. I'll post the full story next time, but just know it all happened on "accident" last spring. I'm sure, though, that it was no accident. The word happenstance comes to mind....but I'm not sure if that's even accurate. So, I want to blog about what's going on in my heart and mind just like before but this time it will have a point. I hope you'll enjoy the thoughts I put out here into the world and maybe even gain something from it all.
I've missed blogging. Writing it all down in my journal sometimes just doesn't cut it for me. I'll be back soon with some more details and I hope you'll stick around!
♥
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